The Real Thang

Since I'm on the subject of soda pop (I like saying "soda pop" because it sounds totally yankee, so you must realize when I write it, I'm actually saying soh-dah pap) I thought I'd tell you one of my favorite nursing home stories. See, when I was in seventh grade, my grandpa lived in the nursing home because his recurrent strokes had rendered him unable to care for himself, suffering from impairment quite similar to Alzheimer's disease. My mom and I would visit him weekly during this time. Since he wasn't terribly aware of his surroundings and generally seemed content in whatever his view of reality was on most visits, I saw it as more of an adventure than something to dread. He called me Linda (my aunt's name) and I played along, figuring that since he liked both of us there was really no point in correcting him.

Anyway, there was this old lady at the nursing home who usually parked her wheelchair in the tv room (or was parked there by someone) and carried on her usual routine.

Old Lady: Coke! (clap) The real thang! Popeye the sailor man - toot toot!
Coke! (clap) The real thang! Popeye the sailor man - toot toot!
(Repeat for the rest of the day)

I wondered what had caused those two phrases to embed in her mind so that in her senility, she could only repeat an advertisement and a cartoon reference. I wonder what I might say, should I end up in such a state. Well, there is Sprite's new slogan, shortened from "obey your thirst" to simply, "obey." And I do watch a lot of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. So perhaps my mantra shall be something along the lines of...

Senile Old Me: OBEY! (Clap) Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G.
OBEY! (Clap) Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G.
(Repeat for the rest of the day)

Yeah, definitely gonna scare the whippersnappers. At least it'll give them something to blog about.