I got a paper cut in the back of my mouth while eating pizza at lunch. At first I thought I had swallowed a razer, and wondered what Brandon had done to make the fine men at Papa John's mad enough to hide a razer in the pizza's cheezy goodness. Then I realized, if I had swallowed a razer, I'd probably die from internal bleeding or something horrible as I digested it. But, so far so good. Not dead. But I do tear up when I talk and especially if I yawn.

Those who have heard me whining about this already say that it was probably the pizza crust that got me. Evil, sharp, slicy pizza crust. That sounds better than a razer, so sure. It was crust. Anyway, if you need someone to listen to you yammer on, call me. I'm mute for now, so I'll be an excellent listener. I'll press 1 for "yeah?," 2 for "I completely understand," and hang up on you when I can't take it anymore.