After my alarm went off this morning, I hit snooze. As usual. Thought I'd sneak a few more minutes of sleep in. However, not long afterward a crow began cawing in the very same frequency as my alarm clock chimes. I began taking inventory in my mind of the objects we owned that were heavy enough to hurt the bird, light enough to be thrown, and useless enough to never see again. This method was a success not because I pelted the bird with some small bottles of lotion that smelled sort of bad that were given to me for Christmas, but because I fell asleep thinking of ways to get back to sleep. Whatever works.