So in my desperation because Brandon and I have yet to visit a library or a bookstore this week (not counting Archives Bookshop), I've been reading the Encyclopedia at work. That's right, and it's dated as well. The computer is still the size of a room, the Berlin wall is standing strong, and they're hoping to cure the black plague. Okay, so the last was exaggerated. Anyway, I've made it all the way to F, though I must admit much was skimmed. Highlights of book D are when you learn all about dogs and how to play with or escape the attack one. "To play with a dog, get on all fours. Make bright facial expressions and pant (panting in dog language is equivalent to laughter). Lunge forward to say 'I'm going to get you.' Lunge backward to say 'come catch me!'"

And what if Fido goes bad? "Do not make direct eye contact with an angry dog, he may see it as a challenge. Even if a dog is growling, if he wags his tail, he may simply want to play. Do not run from the dog, because this may spark his chase impulse and you may get bitten. Lean forward toward the dog, partially to show that you are unafraid, partially so you can withstand an attack. If the dog does attack, cover your face with anything you may have. Bring your knee up into the dog's chest and firmly scream 'GO HOME!'" The rules for protecting yourself from an attacking dog also apply to an overly zealous admirer.